Keep Fucking Going

I’ve recently had a few folks ask when I’ll blog again.  Problem is, I don’t want to be repetitive.  I don’t want to complain.  I don’t want to bore you.  If you’re a reader of my blog, I want to give you a take away.    Do I have more to share?  Ya, I probably do.  Let’s talk about it.

For my second round of chemo, by bestie came from Vegas to join me, care for me, love me.  Thank goodness, because I just felt shitty starting about five days post chemo and lasting for 3 or 4 days.   Although the medical team changed some things up, I guess I’d say there were only mild improvements in some areas.  Let’s face it; Chemo sucks.  I’m not a sissy girl and I don’t know what the “normal” person experiences, but, for me, there are a lot of unpleasant side effects that pretty much take me out of commission for several days.

For the record and for anyone reading this who has cancer and might need to know they aren’t alone, these are the symptoms I’ve experienced:  fatigue, loss of hair,  nausea, incredibly caustic heart burn, the worst intestinal cramping you can imagine, fairly severe chemo acne on my face and really severe chemo acne on my scalp, restlessness at night and inability to sleep well, loss of appetite, bloody noses, dry skin and cracked feet, achy muscles, head aches, mouth sores, and occasional “roid” rage…just a feeling of anger and impatience for no apparent reason.  One other thing:  food and drink don’t taste right.  It’s kind of a metallic taste in your mouth and spices are stronger and spicier tasting.  So, bland foods tend to taste better.  There are other possible side effects, but these are the ones I’ve had so far.  Fun, right?

I am currently using the following strategies to help alleviate some of my symptoms:  drugs prescribed by my oncologist, massage therapy, acupuncture, cannabis oil and edibles.  These all help to some extent with the various side effects, but the best and strongest medicine comes in the form of feeling loved and supported and keeping a good attitude.  GOOD ATTITUDE.  That one bears repeating, because its not easy, but it’s necessary.  Trust me…you do trust me, don’t you? I’ve bared my soul to you, so trust me on the attitude part.  It’s essential.

If you know someone with cancer, remember this if you remember nothing else:  They are stuck in this weird time warp, where it really is all about the cancer and the treatment and trying to stay on track and do what will get you better, but it’s isolating because no one really knows what another person is experiencing exactly.  I think I’ve been very public about my struggle and my victories, but most people hold the cards closer to the chest and the battle rages for them without a lot of pomp and circumstance.  So, if you know these people, know that the love I feel by sharing my experience has made me feel better and stronger.  Everyone battling with cancer and living with chemo should have the benefit of that kind of love.  So, to the pals of cancer victims; reach out, text, IM, email, snail mail, hug tightly, waive enthusiastically, don’t hold back.  Share your love and strength with your cancer person, whoever that may be.  It is healing and heartening.  I promise.

If you are the cancer person, don’t be afraid to share your journey, your fears, your triumphs and your humanity.  Your friends and family want to help.  They can’t imagine what you’re going through, but it frightens them.  When you feel like crap, you can say so.  But REALLY embrace the good days.  This shouldn’t be hard, because when you have the good days, you feel so appreciative in comparison to the bad, that you really can’t help but bubble over with the goodness of it.  Hang on like sloopy to that positive feeling and drag it with you into the next round of chemo!

Cancer and chemo should be four letter words.  The C sisters. The evil one and the good one.  They battle it out and we always, always, root for the chemo to win. During the battle….the cancer person is the war ground; the battle field.  The side effects I describe are the casualties of the battle.  Our hope is that once the battle ends, the smoke clears and the field has been rain washed by our tears; the sun, like our optimism, comes out; and there is hope, re-growth,  and we are cancer free, renewed, reenergized and reborn.  Because let’s face it, there is no way we won’t be changed by this experience.  It is a rebirth; a chance to reevaluate life and to live it better and more fully with a sense of humility and gratitude that perhaps we did not possess before.

So, rage on, my fellow cancer warriors.  No matter how hard it gets or how challenging it is:  Keep Fucking Going!  I hope each of you has friends and family to love you through it.  I’m on your team.  My team is on your team.  None of us is alone.  These are the lessons I’ve learned since my diagnosis.  Cancer is my teacher.  I’ll someday graduate with my Masters in humanity.  I’ll be a better person.  This part I’m sure about.

Thanks for tuning in.  Love to you all.